


the ocean shivers when the moon slides onto its back

by sanktaallina



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: F/M, Light Angst, Repression, Yearning, alcohol is consumed and reader gets mean :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23555737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanktaallina/pseuds/sanktaallina
Summary: While waiting for Mando, you drink too much. Your thoughts turn bitter.
Relationships: The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	the ocean shivers when the moon slides onto its back

You look out the viewport of the Razor Crest in awe of the blue planet you see. _Vashka_. Out of all the Outer Rim planets to chase a quarry to, this one is nicer than most. It’s got cities, forests, what you’ve heard are the _most beautiful_ sunburst flowers, and tiny towns that dot the coast of its expansive sea. Best of all, Carasynthia Dune is waiting for you in one of those towns.

When Mando had told you Cara was going to keep an eye on you and the child on Vashka, part of you wanted to get mad at him for giving you a babysitter. But for the most part, you were very glad to see your friend again. You could forgive him. Just this once.

The cantina Cara takes you and the Child to is right on the coast, and it’s fully outside. Normally, you’d be wary of bringing the Child to such an open place, but Cara’s here, Mando’s not too far, the drinks are delightful, and the breeze feels absolutely delightful on your heated skin. Your giggles finally die down as you glance at the Child to make sure he’s still seated next to you. You stick our tongue out at him, and he coos. You grin before taking another sip of your drink.

The thought that maybe Mando’s right and you do need someone to look out for you enters the back of your mind as you can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of your chest. But it’s not your fault! Cara has to be one of the funniest people in this entire star system - no, in the entire Outer Rim! Her words paint images far too absurd and hilarious to discredit them with anything but laughter. It certainly has _nothing_ to do with the number of blurrgfires you’ve had.

“So you and Mando, huh?” she says rather lazily. Your smile, which has been consistent until now, slips off your face.

“What do you mean?” She quirks a brow at you as if asking if you were serious. 

“You two seem pretty close.” Something akin to panic fills you, and it must’ve colored your gaze because she switches tones. “That’s all. Nothing more.” You nod at her words and try to ignore the ice you feel in your veins. 

Mando was your employer, your friend. He could never be anything more. Despite how much you want him to be. You take another sip of your drink and banish the thought. Now is not the time for you to break your own heart.

You and Cara watch in a heavy silence as the sun begins it’s lazy descent. You watched the sky light up in flames, orange tendrils of clouds extending across the wide expanse. Your heart lurches; you don’t know why. You cast your gaze down to the ever-darkening sea. It’s waves becoming aggressive, feeling the change in Vashka’s moon. They crash against the coast, repeatedly and harshly. Try as you might, you cannot tear your gaze from the inky depths. Frustration begins to inch its way into your heart, and you furrow your eyebrows.

You love Cara, you truly do, and you’re grateful she’s here, but a deep, hidden part of you knows she’s right. And you wish that Mando was here. It’s something you would never let yourself think when you’re sober, but being drunk grants you the privilege to think about what you want with no apparent consequences.

You wish Mando didn’t have to hunt quarries. You wish he weren’t a bounty hunter. You wish you let yourself dream of a life with him. _Fuck, you wish you knew his fucking name._ Your thoughts hit you, wave after wave. Unyielding. You are an ocean that will never stop crashing.

Something bitter lodges itself in your throat and your stomach twists in on itself. You nurse your drink - _fuck, how many of these have you had?_

“Hey, are you ok?” You force your gaze away from the sea and look at Cara. You don’t answer her, but you shake a little. The sky’s completely black now.

You feel a large hand flatten against the small of your back, steadying you. An iciness settles in the hollow of your chest and you freeze. It’s only when Cara barks out a greeting and tells Mando that she’s not sure what happened that you calm down. You shift away from his hand, the contact burning you in a way you cannot handle. Not right now.

“Cara, how much has she had to drink?” Cara’s gaze sweeps over the litter of empty cups between the two of you and her face twists in guilt. She lets out a sharp breath of air and shakes her head. You can feel the disapproval radiating from Mando, and your frustrations begins to swell.

“I’m an adult. I make my own choices,” you choke out. You can practically feel him tense behind you. He reached down to lightly touch your arm, but you shift away from his touch. He pulls his hand back and it tightens into a fist at his side. You pretend to not notice.

“Let’s head back to the Razor Crest.” But you don’t move. You’re perfectly fine here, letting your wants and negative thoughts brew in your brain. “The kid needs to sleep,” he whispers.

You glance over at the Child, who can barely keep his eyes open. A sense of guilt overtakes you, and you nod loosely at his words in agreement and rise. But your vision warps in a way that you were not expecting. _Should the horizon be spinning like that?_

You avoid toppling over by bracing yourself in Mando’s arms, his hands holding your waist in an attempt to steady you. You look at the deck beneath you, trying to ignore how much you want him to hold you closer.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur. You’re sorry for a lot of things. Things that are outside of your control. You just don’t know how to tell him. You close your eyes and lightly rest your head against his chest. You feel his chest stutter as he inhales sharply. It’s so fast you almost don’t notice it.

“It’s okay.” His voice is extra distant through his modulator, but he squeezes your waist; you swear ghosts of tears in the corners of your eyes. You wish you could stay like this. Just for a moment. But Cara’s here and this place is far too public to have a breakdown against Mando’s chest. 

So when he shifts you so your arm is around his shoulders, you let him. When he tightens his other arm around your waist, you lean into it. It’s torture. Your mind is fine, but your body is in disarray. It’s what you get for drinking all those blurrgfires. It’s what you deserve for wanting what you can never have.

Mando’s face jerks back to Cara and she grimaces before slapping down cash that’s certainly way too much. She reaches to grab the kid as Mando helps you back to the Razor Crest.

You never meet any of the looks he sends you.

* * *

There’s not much you can say about the walk back. Especially since all you could think about your body flushed against him. You’re absolutely furious at how your body craved him. After giving you some privacy in the ‘fresher, Mando helps you lay down in his bunk. The Child is snoring from his crib, and Cara’s already gone. Your eyes shut and you pinch the bridge of your nose.

“Don’t be upset at her.” You sound a lot more steady than you thought you would.

“She was supposed to watch you.” His voice is tinged with something deep and blue.

“I was fine up until the last drink. And even then I’m just a little unsteady,” you argue gently.

“Something could’ve hap-” he begins to argue back, but you softly cut him off.

“She would never let anything happen to me or the Child.” He knows that, he truly does. Cara can hold her liquor, and she’s a fierce warrior. He ponders that for a second, but his mind blanks when you speak again. 

“And you were close by… you would never let anything happen to me.”

You look up at him for the first time since he left you with Cara, and something gnaws at your stomach. He stills before you, and you shiver ever so slightly.

A thick, warm tension fills the air. You can’t look away from him now. He slowly moves his hand to gently caress the side of your face. Warmth fills you to the brim, and you shudder. Craving more contact, you lean into his touch.

“And the Child,” he whispers. You nod, slowly, your brain full of haze and honey.

“And the Child,” you whisper back. His hand travels down your face, and his gloved thumb slowly sweeps over your lips. You can barely think. All you know is you want him to climb into the bunk and hold you tightly. But he can’t.

The thought sobers you slightly; you pull away and lick your lips. He stares at you, something hot and heavy lurking just beneath the surface. You squeeze your thighs together to alleviate pressure, but you also can’t ignore the bitter, tightness in your chest.

You two stay like that, staring at each other for what feels like hours when in reality it’s probably 30 seconds. He breaks away first, climbing up to the cockpit, leaving the unspoken words to dissipate. You shiver before curling into yourself, the alcohol finally catching up with you and prompting your eyes to finally shut.

**Author's Note:**

> if Onoam is pink, then Vashka is blue. and god (my friend heather) said, let there be mild angst in this Chili’s tonight.
> 
> karolinadream.tumblr.com


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